so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
