I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
