I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
