I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
