i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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