just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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