i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
