new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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