I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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