i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
