I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
