so that wasnt chicken after all
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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