Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize