he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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