remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
