imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
