the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
