Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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