Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
