My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
