Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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