hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
