i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Sorry about my life...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
