im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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