Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
