my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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