I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
