There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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