He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
