I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
