Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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