Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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