I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
