Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
