So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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