I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
