dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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