All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
