Need sex. Gaining weight.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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