I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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