11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
