Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
