I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
