I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
