Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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