Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Got a toothbrush?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
