I cannot find my penis.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize