Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
