nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
