So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
