I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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