your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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