I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Randomize
