she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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