we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
