He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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