whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
