lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
