why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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