the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
