The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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