we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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