Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
