My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
