we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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