i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
